A Few Thoughts on Grief

The last four months have been a difficult season of grief, hope, and loss for my family and me. My dear step-mom passed away fighting cancer. She was a remarkable lady. She married into our family in 1991 and journeyed with me through many high and low moments. She is deeply missed.

Grief is an unyielding presence that comes into our lives when we have experienced loss. In this particular case, it was with a loved one. However, grief appears with all losses of life. Grief affects every area of our lives. It readjusts every area, making us aware of our missing influence with our loved ones and their meaningfulness to us. A shift in our lives knocks us sideways, leaving us wondering how to see life from the perspective of their absence.

I would go to their farm and work with my Dad, but I would spend hours with Jean (my stepmom), talking about life, deep thoughts on different topics, and faith. She loved me—she was always honest with me, and I was honest with her. She was always the same with me even though I could have been all over the place emotionally working through something. I treasured our relationship. I treasure these relationships in my life now, and I am always looking for more. I have found God created us for relationships, interaction, and truth-telling to one another, even when it might hurt sometimes. These relationships are face-to-face and live in real time. They are costly and held with tremendous value, and when they are no longer present, the void is deep in our lives.

This very day, I was with two brothers in separate meetings, in deep conversation about how I was processing my grief and life just three weeks after Jean's death. I felt so loved, heard, and seen. Neither of them "fixed" me; instead, they listened, inquired to draw out my heart more, and listened further.

The scriptures tell us to "weep with those who weep, mourn with those who mourn, and rejoice with those who rejoice." This interesting passage conveys more than just feeling the feelings of others. It conveys "being with" one another. Life is busy, social media is a tease for relationships, and for the most part, isolation is a new normal of our time, even when surrounded by people. The men above gave me their time, presence, and ear. There was nothing shallow in our engagement. It was rich, life-giving, and contagious.

I love the space my friends gave me and extending that space to others. These spaces, when shared with others, nourish our souls. They are sacred moments with one another and God's faithful presence. This is where meaning is found with others. There is simply nothing more beautiful to me than this. The saddest thought is that people around us have no relationship(s) like this—absolutely none (even in the church).

I would encourage you to reach out to your friends and family members who are hurting. In my grief, I eased back on relationships because I was hurting. It was not the right thing to do for me. This made me feel even more alone and isolated. When in need, the hardest thing to do is to ask for someone to be with you. Reach out to those you wonder about and see what happens.

As believers following Christ, this is our invited posture from the scriptures to be with one another. The world will know you are my followers by your love for one another. It takes more than clicking a "like" button on Facebook—it is about laying my life aside to give myself to those in need. We all will be in need at some point. We become the hands, eyes, and feet of Jesus when we live this way to others.

Yes, I will continue my journey with grief and learn to live life in a new way without her. I will always miss Jean. I am very thankful for how her life impacted me, her faith, and her honesty. We had meaning together.

If you need space to process your grief, life, or faith, I offer you my space, time, and ear. If you are a friend and I notice you have eased away or are not acting yourself, you can expect a phone call soon. :)

Peace to you always,

Rob

Book Recommendation: "The Unwanted Gift of Grief" (Tim P. VanDuivendyk, DMin)